Lately it seems that every man, woman, alien, and their dogs are commenting on my weight! It’s driving me nuts.
Every friend and neighbour I’ve seen in the last few months has, without fail, made a remark along the lines of -
You are looking so WELL, Fiona!
Are you gaining more weight?
You are getting bigger!
And so on. And I am not coping with it at all… every day I feel like the fattest heffalump in the world – despite logically knowing my BMI puts me at underweight, despite my psychiatrist telling me every week I’m still thin. I know he would never lie to me, so that’s kept me a little bit sane.
But then..
Today my psychiatrist commented on my weight too! Arggh! Is this “Comment on Fiona’s Weight” year?
He pounced the moment I walked into his office, before my backside had even connected with the chair -
You are almost the right size to do ballet! Have you ever thought of going back to ballet, for enjoyment? How much did you weigh when you were doing ballet before? Was it about this much?
I mean, WTH – I weighed quite a lot more when I used to be a dancer, not least because I was very strong and muscled, but also because I can’t dance now for a reason – I’m way too weak. I hope that my doctor doesn’t subscribe to the ‘ballet dancers must be thin’ school of thought 
that would be a huge disappointment.
Of course, his comments on top of the many other comments from people lately, caused me to be even more anxious than I’d already been feeling, so I questioned him about whether he thought I looked bigger, or different, or like I was gaining weight. And he said -
No, not at all.. you look almost normal. No I mean you look very very skinny still, from the knees up.
From the KNEES UP? Huh?
Yes, your calves are really big because of all the walking you do, but from the knees up you are still too skinny.
Thanks Doc. Now I feel so much better. NOT.
ARRRRRRRGH!!!!
Weight comments can be a minefield when you have struggled with an ED. What are the worst and best comments you have received, and how did they make you feel?
I can relate to your post very well.
xx
I have always thought that it’s difficult to make the right comments to somebody with an eating disorder.
A lot of people have commented of my weight lately, but it’s a Catch 22. I think people commenting on it and telling me how skinny I look motivates me to lose more weight, while if people dont comment I feel I havent succeeded. I think what you need to remember is though, when you are in recovery people will comment on your weight gain to encourage you and nothing else. They dont want or mean to say you have become fat, it is just their way of saying “well done on fighting, on getting away from a weight that sees you close to death”. I am wishing you all the best for receovery and please keep going, it’s worth it. The years after my ED were the happiest so far
“The years after my ED were the happiest so far”
xx
reading things like that, and hearing it from friends on a recovery journey – KEEPS ME GOING. Thank you. Someone saying to me, It’s worth it, you might not be able to see that yet, but I can and it’s worth it – is what we need so badly to hear!
People need to keep their weight comments to themselves full stop. It is sad that in this culture, anything you say about weight to anyone will be so loaded. But if people don’t know that, they are pretty ignorant. So I think it’s rude, actually, especially when you KNOW that person finds weight a very touchy subject.
I so agree with how weight comments initially spurred me on. When I first started losing really fast into anorexia, people were complimenting me left, right and centre. And so I thought i was doing something GOOD, and if this was good, more was better.
Okay… I sound harsh. I know people mean well… but they have seen me at this weight for 18 months and you would think they would have gotten used to me being a lot better by now.
Thank you so much for reading my blog. I’ve subscribed to yours too
I hate weight comments. They all seem to get twisted cause of the ED, which I guess doesn’t help the commenter either as a lot of the time they’re probably just trying to be nice.
The one that affected me the most wasn’t really a comment, but a psych using one of those stupid dials to calculate my BMI, it rounding up and him refusing to believe me or do the accurate calculation and then the argument following him insisting that my BMI was higher that it was. Which I guess to a normal person wouldn’t matter all that much but I ended up… very distressed lol.
I’m sorry about the knees up comment. I know something like that would really eat away at me – and with his training it was a pretty stupid thing to say. Just try and remember why you’re fighting. I mean… that’s more powerful and more significant than one poorly thought out comment right?
Oh dear… psychs of all people should know better! I hear too much of this. My own first hospital admission for anorexia, the first thing the registrar said to me was “you don’t look all that thin after all”..
*hugs* xx
I was like, can I go home now then? But it’s stayed with me all these years.
People need to be aware that words CAN damage us
Argh!!!! Weight comments are the worst. Especially the ones that are meant to be kind but totally trigger ED. When I started to get back towards the normal weight range, almost every person I knew made some sort of “encouraging” comment. If only people knew that their supposed encouragement was actually a deterrent. I hate hate hate the “You look so WELL”….or “You are looking so much HEALTHIER”. all of them sound to me like “You look FAT”. Great. Comments that focus on specific body parts are just as bad. I can’t even breathe, thinking about “from the knees up”…I would have thought that he might have been more sensitive to things than that….but….hang in there. You are fighting to live and fighting for health. Keep fighting. xo.
Thank you so much… I wish people would just bite their tongue and concentrate on what is inside people – their hearts. Just be glad to have them back. Show it, by being happy and spending time with us rather than the comments… but then again, it is a catch 22, anything can be miscontrued. One of the comments I always get is about the sparkle in my eyes coming back and I still think I am fat when I hear it. Good luck – we both must keep fighting xx
OMG.
in 2001, one bitch, one of many psychoanalysts, actually told me that i needed to see a nutritionist to “lose weight” and to “be healthy.” i couldn’t believe it.
my ex yoga teacher told me, two months ago, that i wasn’t yogic because i weighed too little and focused too much on my food.
just shut the hell up, people, and mind your own business. commenting on weight, of course, is one of the touchiest things on the planet to girls like us!
whew! you’ll get through this. just turn everything outside of the body off, and really focus on yourself. on the inside.
love to you, fiona! x
OMG!!!! OMG!!! I have to say that too. I can’t believe how ignorant, stupid, just irresponsible people are… and that they don’t THINK about the mindset of the person they say things like that to – your pschoanalyst would have known about the bulimia.. and she tells you that?
Yes people just shut the hell up
*hugs* Love to you too. Glad you didn’t let things like this keep you sick xxx
Ugh, people should keep their mouths shut. When is it ever appropriate to comment on someone’s weight??
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