I haven’t got much to say tonight – I just wanted to write a short thank you to everyone – the support you have given me, particularly over the last week, has been overwhelming and I’m so, so grateful.
I didn’t think that as many people would want to read my blog as it turned out!
I haven’t had a chance to answer comments yet – and I hope that I haven’t missed anyone who requested the password. If I have, I’m really sorry, and please let me know!
It means a lot to me that I can write about my life and that it’s okay. That people understand and are prepared to hear my story. I don’t feel so alone any more. I don’t feel so…. silenced by deep shame. I’ve carried this shame like a heavy burden for years and years. Only recently am I beginning to realise that it’s not my shame to carry. I didn’t ask for what happened to happen and I didn’t have a chance really. I did the best that I could with what I had.
I’ve come a long way, and I’ve been able to leave a lot of this behind me. Accept it. Even forgive in some ways. But it hurts me deeply still – little things like the fact that my mother never really truly loved me the way one might crave to have a mother’s love. That my family rejected me, even though they were never truly family and in the end I’m the one rejecting them. That hurts.
I guess I’m living proof that one can live through a hell, and survive. Not just survive, but still have a hope of a life, happiness, love, and a future. Because now I know I do have those things. I have special friends who do love me the way my family never could. And I have so much more appreciation for even the simplest things in life now.
Writing this also has reminded me that when I’m battling depression and fear now, to remember that I’ve already come through so much – and that the battle now IS a battle I CAN win if I just put my mind to it and put in the effort. I’m also not going to let anorexia kill me after coming through all that!
Thank you again – it really touches me deeply that so many people care.
Honey … i’m not really “back” … but i wanted to say i’m sorry you are having such a hard time. I’m sorry i wasn’t around to tell you “YOU ROCK” … but you do. Keep hangin’ in there. I’m still on the “vakay” tract for a few more days … hanging with my man, and getting back into the world of reality and technology!! Love you so much, and you are not alone. Please don’t feel shame … I DO understand though … and it is hard to hold your head high. Please try. My Little Sis, the Warrior! xoxoxox melis
I’m so glad to have connected with you, Melis, and your post for me, that was the most awesome thing to wake up and find!!! You rock. Hope you enjoy the rest of your ‘vakay’ xxx
I am just so glad you received so much affirmation and compassion…enough to tell you that you are someone very special and deserving of a life ahead full of only good things…and the belief that they will all come to fruition…Prayers always Diane
Thank you – thank YOU for your affirmation and compassion and comfort. Also for your insight, and inspiration. Thank you for your prayers, and know that I keep you in mine, too xx
Fi, I’m sorry I didn’t have much time for reading during the past days, but now I caught up a little.
You know I won’t go away. I’m happy that I can give you some support on your journey back into life and happiness. 
Dear Kath, I know you will never go away! You are such a special friend to me – thank you for your kindness and support. There is never a ‘too late’ to read – my heart is always open to you
Of course people care, you rock!