Just to say I haven’t gone AWOL, and I am working on my hospital post/s. How do you fit fifteen years of pretty much living at the hospital more than in your own home, into a blog? How do you condense all that down so that it’s not boring, not overly long, not too hard to take? Where do you even start?
I’m writing – I’ve written heaps already, but it’s going to be a LOT to read, even broken up into installments. These are the hardest years of my life – harder than the abuse that broke me in that hell hole I called ‘home’ as a child – because I was trapped in that hospital with my demons, and my worst nightmares coming true. Fighting both myself, and those who fought me. Fighting mostly to die, and begging them to just let me do so, just let me die and stop tormenting me.
I’m very grateful they never gave up on me, I owe them my life today. Some of them have said to me they still aren’t sure it was the right thing to do – keeping me alive even when it seemed often that it was crueller than the dying would have been – but I’m here, and I’ve been giving another chance to live. That’s a gift very few would ever have. But I am traumatised from my experiences, and often it seemed that I came out of there a much more broken person than I went in.
I won’t be publishing these accounts tonight, or even tomorrow most likely, but they are definitely on their way – thank you for your patience.
In the meantime, Icanhascheezburger is more your bet for pics like the one below 
I can’t “Like” this post because what you went through sounds horrific, and I’m so sorry you have had to endure so much. I just wanted you to know that I stopped by and read what you had to say.
I’ve gone through some fairly hellish times in my own life, and have begun to find that writing about them in a semi-autobiographical way (so that it is partially removed from me) helps a lot.
Icanhascheezeburger is definitely one of the best places on the internet for Lols and Cuteness Overload
I’m sorry you have been through your own hell, Mistress Tribble (can never stop loving your name, Ismile every time I see it
) I’m really glad that writing is helping you to heal in some way. I used to think that the best way to not feel pain was to avoid what caused it. Now I see how wrong I was – because the only way to process and heal these things is not by avoiding them – it’s by pushing THROUGH them – and writing is definitely doing that.
I love all the cats and the funny pics on the internets
I hope some day you are free from what haunts you – and find peace and healing x
If you go back a bit you’ll see two entries – “You’re Not Really Epileptic” and Darkest Night”. Both of those events happened to me at the hands of two different partners. Every time I tried to write about that awful winter’s night in the past it just turned into a pity party and I ended up deleting it, but this time the words just came to me; perhaps because that wound has had some years to heal.
I go by the name Missus Tribble because my husband and I are both Star Trek fans. Not long after we got together we were watching “Trials And Tribbleations”, when he suddenly let out a Tribble purr that I hadn’t previously known he could do!
He’s been my Tribble ever since
I’m glad you were able to write about those dark, dark times in the end, and put them ‘out there’. I doubt they really were a pity party, because you have a right to express how hurt and angry and sad and everything else you are from being so badly treated. It’s important to get those feelings out instead of keeping them in to fester, and to be heard and validated.
I love how you got your name! I’ve actually never heard a tribble purr that I remember, since I like star trek but only casually, not a super duper fan like you and your husband!! But I’m sure if I watch it now, I’ll realise what you mean!!!
Heheh, Tribbles are cute little balls of fluff that purr a lot, eat too much, are born pregnant and hate Klingons!
Also, thanks for your response on what I am now calling “Talin’s Train Wreck”. Even her best RL friend has spoken to her about her blogging style and etiquette – and she didn’t get a response either!
Why are we both so addicted?
Wow I can see a lot happens in a day, took her so long to moderate things didn’t it? But what a pity she will never listen to the constructive criticism and now it will just become a love-in *gag* oh well. Tribbles are better – must google!
The only plus point I can think of is that she’s deleted most of our comments (even the not-angry ones – I sort of She-Hulked last night because I’d had enough and told her straight) and so our names will remain untarnished by all her worshippers calling honest people “bullies”. Yes I blew my top, but I was still far more polite than some of her annoyed followers might have been!
Tribbles are adorable; I’m fairly certain you can find some footage on YouTube as well
I did get a bit more upset than was rational too! Oh well. At least she’s done SOMETHING rather than sit back and let all hell break loose!
But now I don’t know what to do with my left-over popcorn… maybe feed it to the birds?
maybe you could throw it at the commenters there now!
Are they being all lovely about her? Oh, of course they are… nobody is allowed to try and give her constructive criticsm any more.
In a way I feel sorry for her. She’s getting attention, but not in a positive manner. Her troll quotient has probably trebelled by now because of the way she’s been carrying on.
I agree with you so much. She’s obviously got some problems of her own and it seems like everyone around her is reinforcing that it’s the rest of the world that has the problems not herself. Trolls are harder too, when only you can ‘hear’ them as happens with moderation!
I’ve not really been subject to trolls here; just the usual spam that we all find in our spam folders. It must be to do with her public meltdowns and hissy fits when things don’t go her way – a drama queen will always have trolls, deserved or not.
Yes – that’s the law of trolls I think – drama queens, or people who just put a lot out there!
Especially if it’s a lot of nonsense. Hard to troll somebody who writes about serious subjects!
Or somebody who makes SENSE writing about serious subjects
Indeed
Writing helps so much in so many ways and reasons. It is cathartic and that’s why when I was going through so much of my turmoil with depression I did write…bits and pieces here and there and now when I look back at them it helps me to see why I am and was the person I am..and also how far I’ve come. And you see that also I know. So keep writing and I’ll be waiting to read!…Diane
It really helps doesn’t it! It also gives us another perspective – allows us to step back and see ourselves from a more analytical rather than emotionally and ‘in the middle of it’ viewpoint. Often I’ve written about a situation in which I’ve judged myself really strongly – and in reading it back to myself, the judgement has been obvious to me whereas before, that was the only ‘way’ to feel about that for me. IT allows me to think what would other people think, would they judge me the same way? Or is it just me? And yes – for showing us how far we have come, writing is wonderful. Your testimony also tells me and others how far you have come, and shares your wisdom and insight. Thank you so much for reading and for your belief in me, Diane xx
We’ll be waiting, I’m glad you made it through and have come out the other side. I’m always working on similar autobiographical bits that come out in between my normal life issues, it’s amazing how therapeutic it is to put it all out there for others to see. Mel xx
Hello, you have a really interesting username, Scienerf. Welcome to my blog and thank you for reading. It sounds like you too have been through the darkest of times and I hope so much you are out the other side or at least in that direction now. Can’t wait to read more of your writing too
xxx
What strength you have for writing all that out! Are you writing a book?, Maybe I asked before but I can’t remember. Have you thought of doing a Kindle ebook? Or maybe your not ready for that…non the less we’re waiting. love and hugs!
Hello
I’ve been thinking of you. I’ve been tardy with keeping up with everyone’s blogs, I’m sorry! I’ve always wanted to be an author, and in more recent years, it’s become more important to me for obvious reasons – my childhood dreams were of fiction, which would have been fun, but now I have something to write about that I feel can be of use to others in a deeper way – my own story and all I’ve learned. Is your book now available on Kindle? I don’t have a kindle, but when I do have one, I would love to read your story. Love and hugs back to you xxx
Go for it Fiona, you’re an amazing writer and artist! No still waiting for book to be edited. I will make it public when it’s out.
Hi honey. Just saying … keep fighting the good fight. I think about you every day! Write what you feel comfortable writing: Always. You don’t owe your readers anything.
TAKE CARE OF YOU the best way you can, and know that you are always in my heart. xoxo Love you lil sister. Mel
I’ve been thinking of you constantly, dear sis, and sending warm hugs and strength and lots of love! You are always in my heart too. Always.
I’m writing for me, now. I think it helps – it’s cathartic. But I realise nobody is going to hold a gun to my head and demand the posts or tell me to hurry up! Love you so much xxxx
I am so glad that you made it. It is wonderful that people did not give up on you and that you have remembered them in this post. May it remind us not to ever give up on anyone, ever. ~ Wendy
Hello Wendy and welcome – it’s lovely to meet you. Thank you for your kind words – and I agree so much. Never give up on anyone – because while there is life, there’s always still hope xxxx
Looking forward to your posts and giggling at the pictures on your provided site! Awesome!
Thanks
It’s hard to find funnies to offset these posts but I’ll try
for you 
xx
I can’t wait to read these posts, although i hate that you’ve been through such dark times
xxxxx
I’m just glad I’m here now, and free. We are both headed for better times
*hugs* xx
I must say that cheezburger website does indeed make me feel better at ANY time!! So good.
It is the best!