Ten years ago today, I brought home the sweetest little grey bundle of purr, direct from the RSPCA. Eight weeks old and the smallest little runt in the cage of kittens – I knew the moment my eyes landed on her that she was mine, and I quickly became hers on the way home in the car, as she curled up in my elbow and snuffled and snoozed.
Shalimar was a gift from a special lady – her own daughter, a friend of mine, had died from Anorexia after a lifelong battle. This lady had financed a clinic in Brisbane and insisted that I go to it, and I did for eighteen months. I didn’t get better from going there, but I stayed out of hospital for a whole eighteen months which in itself was a miracle at that time – some things work for some, not for others.
She truly has kept me alive. She’s loved me unconditionally, she’s given me a reason to hang on when otherwise I might have just let go. Prevented me from slipping into a mini-coma like I did a few times before adopting her – times when I would take a nap, usually in the afternoon, and not wake up until several days later – completely unaware that it had been any longer than the passing of a few hours. A huge shock when I realised how much time I had lost.
Now, ten years later, I am being flooded with so many emotions… Where did the time go? Can she really be so old? If I didn’t have her, would I even still be alive? Most probably not.
The most gorgeous kitty on earth 
(says me)
And what will I do, when I no longer have her? I can’t bear to think of that today, on this special day. But I’ve been worrying about this a lot lately. Ten years old is not ‘too’ old for a cat – people have told me they have cats aged 15, 19 years old. But I’m aware of how short life is. And I am terrified of life without her. At the moment, there is no possibility of life without Shalimar – when she dies, my life is over.
I know many people will find that trite and trivial – it’s not, to me. She has been my everything for her whole life. I have never been as close to any living creature, human or otherwise, as I am to her.
I know that’s life. Loved ones are born, loved ones leave, loved ones die… and it hurts every single one of us so much. I need to toughen up and accept that, I know I do. And I guess I’m working on that. Because I have a feeling I’m meant to be here a lot longer than another 5-10 years .
I have a 12 year old cat and a 13 year old dog and both have aged visibly this winter the dog especially I know when they go I will be heartbroken say I will never go through it again and mean it…for a few months at least then I will think of those others sad and alone in a shelter and then I shall bring a new member of the family home. You never replace one animal with another but they teach you that if you have the ability to share your life then you know the gift you are giving is worth the heartache
You are so right, Paula – you can’t replace them. But you can give your love and share your home with another one. It’s really hard to move on, especially when we are so close to them. I will be thinking of you with your precious pets. The hard seasons must really take it out of them – we are lucky to have very mild weather here. ((Hugs)) xx
Shalimar IS the most gorgeous kitty on earth!
You two are like ONE to me: inextricable, irreplaceable, unique and angels like!
Thank you for being and making my world and the world on the whole more beautiful!
Oh she is!! But don’t let the Russian Mafia hear that, they might take to shredding your dresses again haha
We ARE like one. Losing her would be losing a huge part of myself, the part I least can bear to lose.
Thank YOU for being my friend, and a cherished part of my world. xxx
Hello Fiona! Hope you are doing well.
Your kitty is gorgeous and probably really happy and well looked after. Really, that’s all that matter with pets. You have to just love them right? Sure she’s getting older, but that’s just how pets work. Try not to worry about it. Giving them a loving home and treating them well give pets the best chance at a long, happy life and you’re providing that.
Love x.
Hey!!! How have you been? I’ve been reading your posts but not really up to commenting much lately. You are so right, it’s most important to love them, to enjoy them, to give them what they need… they ask so little of us and give so much don’t they?
Been thinking of you. Love and hugs xx
Hey Fi, how are you? Congratulations , as you know my dogs are my world, I have a good understanding the value of your relationship, my older dog turns 11 in March, so I did the ten year thing last year, please take every day as a gift, both to you and your gorgeous kitty, the truth in life is all we really have is this moment. I do realize that your ed will have something to say, I say Fi is a wonderful mother and beautiful soul and friend, DON’T get neg. with me, I see you,I see you LYING to Fi, game on…lol
Every day is such a gift!!! I hear you – it really does make you worry when they get older.
We only ever have right now, we can’t afford to lose even right now because we are worried about the future.
You are right the neg is all lies. Lies, damned lies
Love and hugs – I have been thinking about you and hoping you are okay xx
Hey Fi,
Sorry to confront your ed like that, I stand that it DOES lie, mine was really loud so I was also talking to myself, I’m doing ok, I start , ‘minipress’, I’m a being used a bit, just to see, I can stay home with my puppies, [ happy] just get BP checked, I hope this can help these flashbacks, it’s hard at night, a least I have the dogs or I really don’t know at this point..lol
I hope so much it helps!!! I’m glad you can stay with your puppies – it’s so much better than the hospital environment. I looked up minipress, it does sound like lowering BP is a big side effect but have stored the info in my mind that there are drugs that can help PTSD. I never even imagined there were before.
You are right it lies, and I really appreciate someone who can see past those lies, not just that, challenge them – thank you xxx
I, agree, I NEVER thought ANYTHING could help PTSD, I agree we need to ‘link’ together to challenge all the negative ‘B/S’ in our minds and see what’s REAL, I still get lost in this! lol
We have been taught and using the thoughts that we have for a lifetime – and those we learn in our formative years tend to last a lifetime themselves. But it’s not impossible to change. We have both come through harder things than this! We have to remember that when things seem hard (I can get through this too, I’ve gotten through harder than this).
((hugs))
Kind , gentle hug, sweet dreams, off to get, hopefully some sleep! lol
Hey Fi, maybe we need to be cheer leaders for one another, you are positive towards me, can you give yourself this compassion? [ you REALLY deserve LOTS of compassion] lol
Hey, thank you. I need reminding all the time to be my own cheerleader. We seem to have so much trouble with this! Hope you have had a good weekend xx
Happy anniversary to the both of you
Thank you so much Sooz, thank you for being such a support and good friend. Love and hugs to you xxx
Yes you are meant to be here for longer than 5-10 years! Lovely Shamilar, i’m glad you found eachother
xx
I’m glad too, and I will believe you, because she had BETTER be here for longer than that time so I will definitely be here too
Love you xxx
I know how attached to Shalimar and how much you love her and I’m not surprised that you find it so hard to think of life without her….I get/got really attached to all of our loving pets. . two of our cats lived to 15 and the other to 21 . The one that lived to be 21 really should have not been kept for the last couple of her years…but because my daughter was so attached…asked to keep her…She realized after however for “Josie’s’ sake she should not have.
Just remember that while you love her so much, there can be another ‘kitten’ or ‘cat’ to receive and give love….I know you’re not ready to even contemplate that right now though!…Diane
I never want to hold on to her beyond the point where her life was worth living – I would hate to think I’d kept her in pain too. So I really do understand how Josie must have felt bad – she loved her cat but sometimes we have to put them before ourselves. I know that some day there will be another one – like there was one before her, a long time ago. They are so precious though. I don’t at all agree with people who don’t think pets are as important as people. Oh they are. I’m really sad you have lost so many pets – but really glad for you and for them that you all shared so much love. Love Fiona xxx
Pets are so precious like you said. Where we are now so many let their cats roam outside and I get so angry…more so in winter with cold etc. They should be protected… We have truly been blessed by all our cats and dogs (we’ve had 4 of them but only one now. With our age we probably won’t get any more. BTW I wasn’t clear when I wrote my comments..Josie was our pet’s name..My daughter’s is Kim
take care Fiona ..Always thinking of you….Diane
I will never let Shalimar roam outside. Even now, she is always supervised.
Haha sorry!! Smiling to your daughter Kim
Love and hugs xxx
Happy Birthday Shalimar
It’s a good thing that there can be more than one “most gorgeous Kitty on earth”…Otherwise I might have to argue with you on that…(ie my kitty)….but we know that to those who have beloved cats – there is no other cat as beautiful as our own kitty.
I’m so so so happy that you have Shalimar and She has YOU.
And what about when our kitty’s pass on?…..perhaps is not the time to worry about that but since you brought it up…..I too have a 10 year old kitty and I too wonder how I would live without her. I don’t tell anyone that. Because I believe they think me too attached or just not understand.
There is a special bond we share with our cats. It is not an exaggeration for me to say that there is not a day that goes by in the 8 years that we’ve had our cat that I don’t feel adoration and deep affection for her. So I totally empathize with you on this. And it is a bitter/sweet truth that part of life and part of deep bonding is the inevitable partings. But I would rather have it all than to protect myself from the pain by avoiding the bonding.
I guess it is good to also have many different kinds of loving bonds. So that when one leaves us we have others to lean on.
We all have the most precious kittys! You, myself, and Greta need to get together and have our cats a party. I’m sure there would be a lot of loose fur and scratches at first though :/ I find it hard to tell people too how I feel because I’m scared too, that they will scoff at me and think me silly. Because they don’t understand – and actually, that makes me sad for them. Such a gift to love so much that you know this fear of losing them.
You are right – many bonds so we can lean on others when one of our beloved ones is gone.
I hope your kitty and mine both have a lot longer on this earth with us.
Love you xxx
MUCH longer, Fi.
PS- That pic is great.
Haha thank you. And YES. MUCH MUCH MUCH longer
xxx
it’s not trivial at all, you saved each others lives! Happy Birthday to Shalimar! My Hubby’s cat lived until 18
I love every time I hear of someone’s cat living to a very good age. Yes, she saved my life, and I guess I must have saved hers… precious
Love you xxx
love back! xo
This story touched my heart! <3 I can very much relate to the fear of losing Shalimar. It's the same with Peter for me – he's 14 years older than me, so the chances are good that he'll go before me. I currently can't imagine how to go on then, but I try to push that thought away from me.
It makes me very happy that you feel like staying a little longer than 5 or 10 years! Peter has suggested to go for a journey together in a few years, probably when I've finished my PhD, and visit the people who've become real friends for me due to blogging. I'd love to visit you then.
I hope so much that we get to see each other when you and Peter go on your journey!! So much!!
I hear you on fearing you would lose Peter before yourself.. thing is, we only ever have right now. This moment. We can’t think that far ahead (telling this to myself too!) And we can only cherish every moment rightnow.
I have read that women actually outlive men on average by several years – so chances are likely you will live to about the same time – but you have a LONG time ahead of you yet. xxx
Happy (belated) birthday to shalimar! Cats do live so long! And you will (and you need to) live even longer. I have a poodle and he is who keeps me alive and although he’s only 3 I already panic about him growing old and dying…
Thank you so much!!! And we are both here for the long run. I so hear you, and I hope your poodle and you will be round for a long time too xx
I don’t think it’s trivial at all. Some animals and people are very dear to us – I can’t imagine living without my two children, myself. I love my dog very much too. But I think maybe you need to broaden your attachments – too much on one ‘person’ is very risky emotionally.
You get it, and you are right – too much attachment to just one person leaves us in danger of being left alone and isolated. xx
I know exactly how you feel Fi. Congrats on your milestone, give her a cuddle from me.
Eliza
Hey
Shalimar loved your cuddle and is sending you purrs in return. I’ve been thinking of you, and of Harry and your kitty (who yet AGAIN i have forgotten the name of!) We still need to catch up. I haven’t forgotten. Love and hugs xx
Fi, it’s not trivial at all to want to hang on to something or somebody that you appreciate and love from the core of your heart!!! I can see how much you love Shalimar, and she is a very lucky cat for having you, just as much as she is such an important part of your life. I believe that you both needed each other, and that you were meant to find one another. I believe that the encounter changed both of your lives and no matter what happens, the bond will be there forever, and you will live on the life you were meant to follow. Shalimar is, and will always be proud of you.
These words are so deeply special – thank you. I don’t have words <3
Our cat, Felix, was 19 when we had to have her put down last year. The pain is unbearable but you have good memories to keep you going.
Be well.
Oh sweet pea! I wish i could give you a cuddle! Death is a bitch; full stop. No “toughening-up”. Just be you. In fact, I dislike it when “the tough” tell you you must toughen up, because essentially they are saying “change their personality”! I’m not saying that i prefer living in a bit of a worried stew, or sometimes fearful; but these are some of the downsides of having empathy, sympathy and deep caring for all our loved ones and especially our loved animals. Oh honey, enjoy your beautiful Shalimar every waking moment. Honey, i relate to the naps (however, not days at a time). Snuggles and love to you!!! XO MEL
Thanks for the kind words and insights.
Ah, thanks Hook! Missing you! I’ve been “unblogged” for awhile. I need to get back to my laughs and giggles at the Hook! You are also quite kind.
(or should that be first). Yes, first thing is: Heart!
Thank YOU, Hook, for reading xx
You of everyone knows this, Mel – and I’m sending you so many hugs back. I hate it when we are told to toughen up too. Sometimes I think there is more courage in feeling what you feel, acknowledging it, and working through it, than there is in pretending to be fine. Hoping everything is okay with you. Love and hugs!!! xx
I’m so sorry you lost Felix. That’s a long time for a cat to have lived for and she must have been very special to you. You are right about the good memories.
I swear i wrote a message here, and it is gone! I love you! Happy Birthday to the most beautiful cat in the world. XO MEL
Oh dear, just found the comment. Double dipping today!
triple i guess then!
Haha you are awesome, triply awesome
xx