I’m 34 and live in Australia with my beautiful cat Shalimar.
I’ve battled anorexia type two, major depression and Complex PTSD for as long as I can remember.
I’ve been hospitalised for the anorexia over 150 times.
I’ve pretty much lost everything.
And then, I had to make a choice – no longer could I stay in the limbo the eating disorder allowed me.
Would I choose to die, let it kill me? Or would I choose to live, take on the hardest challenge I have ever, ever imagined?
I had tried everything to beat this… except one thing – I had not tried LIFE. And I did not want to die to this without the knowledge that I had tired every single way to possibly recover to the best of my ability.
I chose to Live.
June 1 2012 Update - It is now officially two years since I was last in hospital and two years in which I have actually maintained my weight – the longest time for me in 15 years for either accomplishment.
I’ve been working in physiotherapy for nine months – have most of my ability to physically move around back, am stronger, have learnt to manage the chronic pain, and am close to be given the all clear to begin ballet barre and pilates class!! I never thought I’d dance again!!
I’ve been working with an agency that works with people who have disabilities and have been out of the jobforce for a long time. I’ve never been actually employed, I’ve been a tireless volunteer worker from my teens up til a few years ago when I was physically then mentally unable to continue. (I’ve worked mostly with homeless people shelters and food vans, with the Red Cross, in libraries and community organisations and loved it ) I’m now very close to actually being employed for the first time, as a library assistant, and I’m over the moon about this (as well as scared stiff!)
My treatment team tell me to constantly remind myself that I have come a long way, and they are right, I have. I have a long way to go yet, but even a year or two ago I could never have imagined myself here now.
There is always a future worth hoping for. I know this now, I’ve seen glimpses of it, and I’m going to keep fighting