I don’t agree that it’s a choice to have an eating disorder. Nobody asked the little four year old me if I wanted one. Nobody gave me a choice. I didn’t want to hide my food or refuse to drink. I was hungry, and I liked to eat. I’d never thought about my body in terms other than “This is me playing!” and that it could wear dress up costumes, could run, jump, dance… I didn’t know anything about eating disorders or weight loss. I’d never even set eyes on a glossy magazine. I idolised my mother and father, and wanted only to be the best ‘good little girl’ I could be so they would be happy with me and love me more, so it wasn’t about having power over them or defying them, either.
As I grew older, still completely clueless about eating disorders, still without a care when it came to weight, I still never had a choice about the eating disorder. There was this thing that just was, in my mind. It was just there, as though it was born with me when I was, and grew as I grew, until it reached a point where I could no longer avoid being influenced by it. This thing told me, no, demanded that I not eat, that I exercise more. I didn’t even really hear the demands at first – later it was like something screaming inside my head. There never was a choice not to do those things – they were what had to be done, and there were no other options open to me. Not a single one.
And so, I obeyed it. It just had to be done, and I just did it. Hunger was unpleasant, pain was unpleasant, but disobeying this thing, that was far worse.
Have you ever felt like you are so trapped that you could thrash and beat at the walls, scream your head off, do everything you could to change your situation and you would be simply wasting your energy and breath? Known that for certain – without a doubt? That was what it was for me. And if I did try to beat it, the consequences always dissuaded me from trying again.
It wasn’t until I was at least 18 years old that I even began to learn about what eating disorders were, or accept that I might have one. You find it very hard to believe you have a disorder when you are just doing something you HAVE to do, that you have no choice not to do. A disorder should go against the grain. A disorder should cause more distress than it alleviates – this was the other way around at that time. To not obey caused instant, lasting, intense distress. To listen, to fulfil the demands on me – I found that soothing. Calming. It made me feel invincible. It reminded me that I was strong enough to withstand the hurt being meted out by the people in my life at that time, because I was used to pain. I thrived on pain. And pain made me stronger. This proved it to me, because my dancing went from strength to strength the more I exercised, and the more I exercised, the less time I had for eating. To feel I was dancing better left me on a high, along with the cognitive and physical effects of starvation, I was in a constant giddy, light headed state of ‘not being there’.
And I didn’t want to be here, there, or anywhere at that time. I’d been hurt so much, and the hurting never stopped. Every where I turned, I was wounded. Like a little creature seeking to just survive, I crawled away to hide best that I could while still being there amongst my abusers. I crawled away inside myself. They saw my shell, they no longer saw me.
Indeed, when I left that hell that I grew up in, not a single member of my family actually knew who I was. Not a single one of them knew the real Fiona, only the outer carcass, only the robot who simply humoured their demands and acquiesced to their ways, because it wasn’t worth the extra fighting to do otherwise. Who learnt to never show them what actually mattered to her, lest it became a target too, and used against her.
In all these years, I never chose to have the eating disorder. Not once did I consciously choose to lose weight. I never chose to restrict my eating. I never chose to not allow myself to eat or to drink. I never chose to force myself to overexercise. I did not have a choice at all – ever. Those things were simply things that were as natural and unconscious to me as breathing, as my heart beating. We don’t think about and choose every breath we take or every beat of our hearts. And yet, we breathe. Our hearts beat. The eating disorder ate away at me from the inside out. It was never something I thought about, wanted, or chose.
There are six year old children needing treatment for anorexia in growing numbers. Eight year olds. Nine year olds. Ask a six year old why they want to lose weight? Will they tell you they want to be a model, or on the cover of the latest Vogue magazine? Will they tell you that it helps them to cope with an uncertain world, or with fear or pain, or that it makes them feel strong and in control? That they do it to manipulate people around them?
I can pretty much promise you they will say none of those things. Because they never chose to have their eating disorders either. For them, as it was for me, the eating disorder was something that they were born with, a pre-existing predisposition, determined by genetics, not by them. And it lies there, waiting, under the surface. It lies there like a crocodile under the skin of a silent lake, only its eyes above water, waiting for something tasty and alive to wander into it’s path. A menacing, hidden danger, no less a threat for its temporary invisibility. And at some point, life conspired to throw them into a set of conditions that triggered off that lurking monster, brought it out of hiding and into full battle.
All that waiting made for a very hungry monster indeed.
At about 18, all that had happened – and was happening still to me – came to tipping point. I simply was no longer able to stand up against the tide, as I had fought so hard to do all those years. It knocked me down like I was nothing at all, swept me over the edge, and then I was falling. Falling into anorexia.
And I fell hard.
It was never a choice.
Years later, when I finally accepted my anorexia, accepted the bulimia that had come with it, accepted that I needed help, was out of control, was dying – then it was my choice. I had an army on my side to fight it, and it was my choice whether to join them, or to fight against them as enemies. And too many times, I did see them as foes. It took years for me to realise they came for me, not against.
I never had a choice about having an eating disorder.
But I do have a choice to fight it.
Did you choose to have an eating disorder? Or another illness or disorder?
** I will likely not be around online much for the next few days so please excuse late replies to your comments, I’ll get back to you as soon as I can – thank you for reading
Hi everyone, thank you so much for so many lovely comments – I really appreciate your support and it means a lot to me that people find what I have to write helpful to them, wherever they are in their journey. I’ve always hoped that some day, I can use my past to help someone else have even a tiny bit better a future – and it helps to know that even with so far still to go myself, I can already use my own experience for good. It makes it all have worth going through.
I might be posting and commenting very sporadically over the next short while as I’ve run out of my internet allowance for the year (yes, and it’s only July!) and have to go back to the drawing board. I’m with the Public Trustee here – they took over my affairs when I was too sick and constantly hospitalised to manage them meaning they have complete control still over my finances, which I’m working on winning back bit by bit. But it means that I have to negotiate for every single thing I need, meaning it’s not just a case of needing and buying – it takes a while for the back and forth and then the granting of funds etc. Always a good reminder of why to keep working for more and more independence!
Before I go, I just wanted to drop a little bit of info your way for you to toss over. Did you know, that famine is declared when:
1. At least 20 percent of the population has fewer than 2,100 calories of food a day;
2. Prevalence acute malnutrition must exceed 30 percent of children; and
3. The death rate must exceed two deaths per 10,000 people, or four child deaths per 10,000 people per day.
Tragically, all three of these conditions have been found in southern Somalia. The average daily caloric need is 2,100; therefore, eating fewer than 2,100 calories often results in hunger. Measuring malnutrition differs from measuring caloric need. Malnutrition occurs when a person does not eat food that provides the proper amounts of vitamins and minerals to meet daily needs. Finally, the death rate in some areas is as high as six deaths per 10,000 people with children especially vulnerable. UNICEF has estimated that as many as 14 children are dying every hour in parts of southern Somalia.
A bit of food for thought! I know many of you will be surprised since many of you have expressed distress at eating far far less than 2100 calories. Also many of us tend to not even come close to giving our bodies the actual nutrients it needs, regardless of how much energy we consume. We are horrified at conditions in famine-torn countries. And yet many of us subject our own selves to this level of deprivation. Reality check time!
Also – still not convinced that you NEED those ‘recommended’ calories? The average calorie content of rations for one person for one day supplied by the World Food Program is 2178. (Although in reality for various reasons, often less is actually eaten by the person). What Refugees are Eating.
What is your idea of a famine-torn country? We see hungry, desperate people on our news programs. They are malnourished, they are starving!
And so are you – if you are not feeding your own body what it needs.
Defintely food for thought!
Look after yourselves, everyone xx
Since starting this blog in 2007, I think I've only been asked once for tips and tricks. I suppose you don't get much of that when the title of your blog is "Recovering Anorexic." With that said, I have gotten multiple emails asking about recovery, but usually the questions are so vague I don't have really anything to go off of.
I’ve always been fascinated with food and what other people are eating, so I’ve loved reading What I Ate Wednesday posts – but never been able to participate because what I eat.. well what do I eat? Nothing worth sharing, and what I do eat is often so bizarre I’d never want to put it out there.
However I do have some better, more on track moments. I thought that I would share a few favourites from the past week with you. There isn’t much green in here – I could say the capsicum in the salad and the splash of lime juice count, as well as the green grapes!
Favourite Lunch -
I’m loving the tanginess of this sandwich filling. Another variation that I often eat uses tinned tuna instead of tofu. I also love to add chopped beetroot, corn and onion to hummus.
Favourite salad -
Favourite treat – Home-made Ice-cream! Please do not snark at my ‘mixing bowl’. I have a VERY basic kitchen and this was bigger than my real mixing bowl! How appropriate to make ice cream in an old ice cream container lol.
Ice cream is a huge fear food for me, as are cream and condensed milk so this was a huge but worthwhile challenge. I’m definitely going to do it again, and experiment with flavours – maybe coffee, maybe mango.. It could have used a splash of vanilla essence – but I didn’t have any.
Favourite chill out -
Coffee never lasts very long with me. Someone needs to make a heat-resistant hydration back pack so I can sip coffee every minute of the day, hands free.
Shalimar is back on her lead – after 1. being very naughty and running away! and 2. A neighbour telling me to keep her out of the communal gardens in case she ‘hurts the flowers’… really? She’s a cat, and she’s snuffled those flowers for almost three months and caused no harm. So sad – but I’m in the process of organising an enclosure to be built outside the front of my unit, around her favourite snuffle-place and under the window where her cat-door conveniently happens to be. Hopefully soon she will have access to HER area whenever she wishes, and no save-the-flowers neighbours will be able to ruin the fun.
And I was so chuffed that I had to include my favourite compliment -
My helper from HACC (Home and Community Care – helps me with everyday things that being ill means I need help with – shopping, cleaning, transport etc) said that I looked like I was channelling Victoria Beckham yesterday. She cracked me up! I am missing the sky-high heeled shoes and the utter cool, stylishness she exudes. And the extreme skinniness.
I bought this dress from an Op Shop and really like it – the photo (and myself) do not do it justice. It’s a warm, heavy wool dress by Cue, perhaps a bit large, but I really liked the shape of it. I’m stuck wearing my utterly UNcool shoes because of my very sore feet and legs! If I don’t have to walk far, I can wear ballet flats, but heels are out forever sadly.
Well I hope you all enjoyed my post and were not too grossed out at the food I ate!!! Happy Wednesday. And Shalimar says hello… Really, she’s clawing at me because she is jealous at all the attention the computer gets. Time to go play with her
I subscribe to Health At Every Size.
Over the years I think I have tried every diet known to man, and many more different versions of them made up by myself. I’ve starved, binged, purged, swallowed pills, swallowed epsom salts, disgusting teas, shakes, exercised for nine hours a day, wrapped myself in cling wrap… you name it, I’ve done it.
I’m not alone. Thousands upon thousands of people have put, and still ARE putting, their bodies through unimaginable abuse – just in the name of attaining or maintaining an unrealistic size and shape. Instead of aiming for ‘me sized’ they are aiming for ‘what they say I should be at any cost sized’.
What price? Our health? It’s a huge price to pay.
What is healthy? Is healthy really skinny? More and more evidence is proving this is NOT so.
“Obese people who are otherwise healthy live as long as normal-weight people, new research from Canada suggests.
Some obese but healthy people actually are less likely to die of heart problems than normal-weight people who have some medical conditions, the researchers found.
“You shouldn’t just look at body weight alone,” says researcher Jennifer Kuk, PhD, assistant professor of kinesiology and health science at York University in Toronto.
“A healthy lifestyle, including being physically active and eating a healthy diet, is probably more important than your body weight and focusing on weight loss, if you are otherwise healthy,” she tells WebMD.
Kuk and her colleagues used a new tool that helps identify which people would benefit from weight loss and from weight loss surgery. Called the Edmonton Obesity Staging System (EOSS), it grades or stages obese people depending on whether they have diseases such as heart disease or cancer.
The study is published in Applied Physiology, Nutrition and Metabolism.”
So after all my efforts, I might be thin – but many obese people are healthier than I am!
And did you know that just because you appear thin, does not mean you are thin within? The TYPE of fat you carry is more important than how much fat you carry. A thin person with too much visceral fat – fat around the organs – is very unhealthy indeed. More unhealthy than a fat person who has little visceral fat but more peripheral fat (that which is dimpled, under the skin). Many dieticians call this phenonemon “Thin Outside Fat Inside” (TOFI) or “Skinny Fat”
People who are TOFI carry hidden fat deposits – in the white fat around vital organs, streaked through underused muscles, and wrapped around their hearts. This fat sends out chemical signals which eventually lead to insulin resistance, diabetes, and heart disease.
And yet – they are thin.
(oh, and the images are all in the free domain.. so I’m not going to bother sourcing them – so there )
Hello my blogging friends! I hope you have all been well lately.
I’m guilty of being a bad blogger! Most of what I have posted lately has been reposts, or embellished reposts – but not new content.
There is a reason for this – and that is, LIFE IS HARD. Sadly I don’t think this is news to ANYONE here. That is life, especially life with Ed.
Health problems have still been difficult. Digestion and bowel issues have settled down marginally for now, fingers crossed. Oedema has been a right bugger. I get it all over, on my torso too, and I’ve been amassing up to 5kg of fluid on some days. Unfortunately, nothing seems to help, and I have to live with it. The only way to help it at the moment is to wear full length medical compression stockings as close to 24/7 as possible, which sucks because they are hard to get on and off, hot, itchy… whinge whinge whinge lol. It could be a lot worse!
One of my problems with intake has always been drinking. For some reason, I’m phobic of plain water. I do better than I used to, but it’s still difficult. Especially when I’m struggling with my digestion and bloated up like a balloon with fluid! Ed had a field day, resulting in me ending up with a dangerously low blood pressure, enough to have put me in hospital if my case manager had not stayed with me to help me start drinking that day. I’m very grateful, and I’ve managed to get my fluid intake up again since then, meaning my blood pressure is back up to a more normal level.
Body image wise, I’m a mess. I am THE BIGGEST I have ever, ever felt or seen myself (and I’m NOT the biggest I’ve been in reality). It is EXCUCIATING. And sadly, there are no easy answers to this.
This is how other people see me:
And this, is how I see me:
So what happened??
So that is why I distract myself. With this:
and loved this little one:
Did you guess where Shalimar was, the other day? She was here, all along
I hope you are all having a lovely weekend.
How do you distract yourself?
I think this is a timely post considering my last was a rant about thinspiration.
The world’s biggest scam, the weight loss industry, constantly looks for ways to reinvent itself and sell more product.
Just quickly, I say it’s a scam because any other product that failed 95% of the time would be recalled. The weight loss industry, however, not only continues to profit, but they profit from your failure. Most of the weight loss industry’s profit comes from repeat customers. They bank on their diet failing you, to ensure that you need to come back again and again.
If Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, Lighterlife, et al, actually worked, they would be out of business very fast with no repeat customers.
Their diets are constantly repacked and redesigned to keep things fresh and exciting. So it’s no surprise with the new Hunger Games movie due out, there is a Hunger Games inspired exercise and eating plan by Daily Burn, read about it here
I prefer Jezebel’s version: Here Are Some Tips to Get You Hunger Games Skinny.
Here is their Unofficial Hunger Games Exercise and Weight Loss Plan:
- District 12 isn’t real. Instead, move to a deindustrialized coal town in the Ozarks where food and happiness are scarce. Learn to hunt, but don’t get too good at it! Remember, you want to get thin and a propensity for missing your target can only help.
- You may not be able to find tracker jackers, but you can find good old-fashioned bees. Let them sting you until your throat closes up. It’s as good as a jaw wiring, though you will likely die.
- Put on the most beautiful dress you can find, cover yourself in gasoline, then light yourself on fire. Not only will this make you like Katniss, the Girl on Fire, but it will also make you burn mega carbs as you run around screaming for help.
- With the help of a partner, set up a reward system for food. The only time you get a snack is when you A.) outrun a pack of dogs or B.) kiss a boy in a cave.
- Live in a constant state of fear. Not only will all your hair fall out (gah, hair weight), but you will always have worried diarrhea— a great way to cut down on bloating and shed fast pounds!
- Couple these suggestions with those of the Daily Burn and you should be fighting fit before you can say “Seneca Crane.” Maybe, if you get skinny enough, you can fit into your Hunger Games wedding dress at your Hunger Games wedding.
See you at the bee hospital movies!
Sounds just like your run of the mill diet/exercise plan to me! I vote to ditch the effort and read a good book instead. Specifically, read the Hunger Games books, they are AMAZING.
What is the most ridiculous diet and/or exercise plan you have ever come across?
Are you looking forward to the Hunger Games movies? Have you read the books?
The other night I blew my top! I was reading facebook and came across a group of young women who had invited each other to help them starve. No food, no water.
Now I’ve seen a LOT of this online (unfortunately) so this is not new. But last night, it was the last straw for me. How can people invite each other to literally kill themselves? How is that being a friend? It’s not. It’s using each other for enablement. It’s such a selfish thing to do. To me, it sounds just like “I’m miserable, I don’t want to be miserable alone. I want as many people to be miserable with me as possible.”
This isn’t new, so why did I get so upset? I guess I was not in a good mood, but also, it’s Eating Disorders Awareness Week. As other bloggers have mentioned, it’s not so much awareness we need as education. There is so much stigma, misinformation, stereotyping, out there about eating disorders and the people who have them.
I think a LOT of this comes from the fact that there are many people who identify publicly as having an eating disorder, who behave badly – and as they are the most outspoken, they are the people the public sees as the public face of eating disorders.
I know I’ve borne the brunt of stigma and stereotyping. People assume that I’m a spoilt, manipulative brat. That I am attention seeking. That I should just go and eat a sandwich and grow up.
So when I see people ACTING this way, it really makes me mad.
In the words of one of my facebook friends -
“I’m frustrated that so-called “increased awareness” about Eating Disorders, (which happens en mass during Eating Disorder Awareness Weeks in various countries) often is displayed by those who have had “diets gone wrong” or “disordered eating” at the very most…
These stories abound of “happy endings” where the “sufferer” is at “deaths door” one moment and then two months later has “decided to get well” and is fine again…
While the media jumps on these types of stories instead of delving deeper into the “real” illness, those of us who have quietly battled severe, clinical, deadly eating disorders for 3,4..10,20 years, are once again left with the disorder being largely MISUNDERSTOOD, OVER-SIMPLIFIED and DISREGARDED by the majority of people.
Rant over. ♥”
I’m angry because there are SO many people who do NOT have a real, genuine ED. They might call themselves Ana or Mia, they post all over the internet about their stupid diets and share tips. They engage in the most attention seeking, emo sort of behaviours. They are the people who often turn up in emergency departments for self harming and overdoses for sheer attention seeking purposes. Not denying that they are in pain – but they need to GROW UP. They need to realise that noone can wave a magic wand and fix their pain, and that THEY have to do the work of acceptance and staying with it, of challenging their thoughts, and challenging their behaviours.
Just because there is no ‘cure’ for the pain behind their other destructive behaviours does not mean that changing to have an eating disorder means someone can cure them that way. It doesn’t even make sense and yet that is the impression I get from a lot of these people. Life sucks, so being an eating disordered person and getting help and attention will make me all better.
Also – People with genuine eating disorders do NOT need to engage in group fasting. They do NOT need tips and tricks. They do NOT need to learn how to be ana or mia. There isn’t a way to ‘become’ eating disordered. You don’t choose to have one. It happens. It’s an illness. Not a choice. It’s not a lifestyle, it’s not a diet.
And those 200 pound ‘ana’s who seem to be the ones administrating most of the pro ana sites can get the hell off my internet. Ana? More likely bitter idiots who are endangering the lives of others, giving tips and advice they don’t even follow. What the hell do they think they are doing? What is wrong with them?
Okay… so I am aware that this rant is going to offend a few people. I want to say – I have self harmed and overdosed a lot in my own past. I have engaged in the very sort of behaviour I’m talking about here. BUT I was never to the degree of the people I am talking about here. I have been completely, utterly shocked by the extreme behaviours and the extent of neverending DRAMA that these people engage in.
My ED has been kept as secret as I could keep it, my own secret shame, same with my self harming and overdosing. It wasn’t about anyone else, it was something I did to myself to punish myself. I did not ever do this behaviour in order to be ‘the sickest’ or the biggest victim. It wasn’t something I did deliberately to show to people, to go in to get treatment for, to have people feel sorry for me and care for me. And in the same vein, neither is my eating disorder something for the attention and care of others.
Now I want people to speak out about having an eating disorder instead of hiding it, because we don’t deserve to live in shame for something we didn’t choose to have. But I want people to know the realities of this disease – not think we are the dramatic overblown idiots that seem to be the ones standing up to say “I have this!”
I would give anything to be free of this. Free of the constant bombardment of lies about how fat and horrible and evil and unworthy and ugly I am. How lazy and selfish and stupid. I would love to be free of the Ed Drill Sergeant for even one day.
I would love to be able to just eat and drink and not have to fight to do it and fight to keep it down and fight not to keep doing it forever until I fell dead from exploding. I would love to eat and that be it. Normally.
I would love to not see a bloated fat whale every way I look at myself. To not be disgusted at my own body. To not feel I’m dirty and disgusting and horrible and that the world is put at actual risk by my being alive.
I would love to be able to have a life, a functional life, that is not hampered by constant pain, weakness, cognitive difficulties, extreme depression and medical complications arising from the long term malnutrition. I would love to not need a trustee to manage my finances, a Home and Community carer to help me to do basic tasks like shopping, personal hygiene and house chores.
Eating disorders ruin lives. They kill people. They affect lives forever. They are not something that is desirable or cool.
And people with eating disorders are not necessarily spoilt brats. Not manipulative or attention seeking. Not white middle class females. They can be anyone, from any background and any race. And most likely they will be quiet and you won’t guess they have one unless they are physically emaciated – and they aren’t always emaciated. They come in all sizes from emaciated to obese and everything in between.
It isn’t so much awareness that we need more of. Everyone knows someone with an eating problem – that is true. It’s EDUCATION. Of what eating disorders really are, and how they really affect those who have them.
We are sick of being treated like we have something that is superficial, stupid, and not really an illness, made worse because of the loud few who misbehave under the guise of having what is a very real debilitating disease.
Head on over to Laura Collin’s blog Laura’s Soap Box for a page of links to some Eating Disorders Week ‘Contrarians’ – blog posts written by other eating disorders sufferers who are also against the false awareness messages raised about people with eating disorders.
Do you feel the public is being given the wrong message about eating disorders and the people who suffer from them?
What do you think should change?
Hello people!! Happy Valentines day It’s a special day for me, sort of – not for romantic reasons. For a much, much more important reason:
Nine years ago, the day before Valentines day, I adopted Shalimar from the RSPCA. She was the tiniest, scruffiest runt in the cage of kittens!! But I fell in love with her from the first sighting. It was meant to be.
I woke up the next day after a night of being climbed upon, thinking “She loves me!”.
What a wonderful Valentine’s day that was!
Nine years! Where did it go? And I swear she is getting YOUNGER as the years go by.
I truly would not be alive had I not adopted Shalimar. When I was at my sickest, I kept myself going for her. I couldn’t bear to leave her behind. Also, when I fell too deeply into the ‘comatose’ states that I used to, she would bat my face with her paw until I came to again – I would wake up with a face like mincemeat, but I’d wake up!
I love her so much.
On another topic, I’ve been doing some more eating in public again lately – and it’s been really enjoyable, and really bizarre!
A friend and I went for dinner to a cafe opposite my place one Friday night – we shared an awesome antipasto platter, but the main meal was the bizarrest meal I’ve ever had. We both ordered the Special:
It was a beautiful, big filet of Salmon. I wish there were more vegies – one inch of asparagus, one snow pea, and about half a mushroom!! Stingy!!
But.. this was served on a bed of.. not the savory yoghurt salad that we had envisioned – perhaps chopped cucumber and natural or greek yoghurt? No – it was served with SWEET FRUIT SALAD YOGHURT complete with fruit bits!!!! And the red bit of the swirl is raspberry coulis.
I just.. can’t… Now I have a long history of combining very bizarre food choices – but even I would not have put fish and fruit yoghurt together.
My theory is that they were clearing out everything in the kitchen that was near expiry. Or they ran out of savoury yoghurt. Or the chef is smoking something stronger than tobacco.
I managed to avoid most of the yoghurt and eat my meal. But it was awkward – my friend could not eat more than one bite, and she was hungry – she is not fussy! I didn’t know what to do. I’m still fairly green when it comes to etiquette when eating out - and it was so uncomfortable trying to eat my meal while the person across from me was not eating, was not happy, and I couldn’t swap meals with her either as I had the same thing. I truly had no idea what the proper thing to do was. But my friend said she would wait til I finished my meal and take her salmon home in a doggy bag – to feed to her (lucky!) dog. Later she reported she had washed it off, heated it up again, and enjoyed it with her own sauce. Thankfully it wasn’t a complete waste! But it was awkward.
Lesson – ASK about things in the menu that you aren’t sure about. And be more assertive if a meal is bad at a restaurant – you are paying for it after all.
A better experience was this last weekend – two friends came over and made pizzas in my kitchen! They were SO yummy. I wish I remembered to photograph them as I was too busy stuffing slices in my mouth while they were hot and cheesy. I am not going to go to Domino’s or Pizza Hut or Eagle Boys now. Why, when home made are far better than they could ever be!
The best part of course – the company of two beautiful ladies.
I need to do this sort of stuff more often. Eating disorders are isolating – they don’t allow you to have friends and to live. I’m so fortunate that friends didn’t give up on me, some had to withdraw for their own good, but they didn’t give up. They stuck around. Because without them I would be so alone, and the journey back to life would be so much harder.
The more GOOD, positive and enjoyable activities we include in our lives, the less room there is for the negative – including Mr Stupid ED. Hear that, Ed? No room for you! Shove off!
I’m going to spend my Valentines Night cuddling.. my cat. Hope you all had a lovely day too – whether it was a romantic one, or one where you simply remembered the people who love you and felt blessed and happy.
Have you ever had a really bad meal in a restaurant? What did you do?
Have you ever had a secret Valentine, or been one?